Where shit gets real

So, things are scary. Things were already hard and stressful and annoying and painful at times but now it's getting really real.

This morning I went back for another BPP and growth measurement. Three weeks ago we started to be concerned again about the direction the boys' health was moving and each week has added a level of concern. I'm going to try to just lay out the facts here first without a lot of comment.

• Cooper's largest fluid measurement was around 1.5 cm
• Lincoln's fluid measured at 9.78 cm
• Cooper has a visible bladder and stomach and great blood flows
• We are officially back in stage I TTTS
• They have some concerns about the area of the placenta where Cooper's cord inserts showing signs of deteriorating and calcifying. This is hard to truly know until they deliver but it definitely doesn't look as healthy as the area where Lincoln's cord inserts.
• Lincoln, in his big pool of fluid, has managed to tangle his cord around his feet. The blood flow from placenta to feet is great in the cord but from feet to the belly button is not awesome.
• The excess fluid around Lincoln is probably causing a lot of my extra discomfort as well as lots and lot of contractions
• Both boys are head down! Yay!
• Cooper measured in the 8th percentile for growth which is down from the 12th of three weeks ago. This number is new to me because we had focused on the belly measurement last time.
• Lincoln is measuring in the 30th percentile somewhere so their difference is more than average twins and more than anyone likes to see

I am headed back to see Dr B again in the morning and check on these little stinkers. If she cannot measure a pocket of fluid around Cooper at 2cm or above I will be admitted to the hospital to receive IV fluids, rest, and monitor the boys often. The goal is still to keep them in as long as possible and healthy but that's a touch and go thing right now so we won't know how long I might be admitted for. If it happens I'll update with more info on the actual hospital plan but the way things are looking today it seems like I'd be there until I deliver and that would be soon. I hope that's wrong.

I received the first of two steroid injections this morning and will get the second tomorrow. These steroids help the babies' lungs to develop. I've had these shots with my oldest but we were thankfully able to stop preterm labor with her and I didn't ever ask much about how they work or do any research so I can't give more info than that. So far they have given me some hot flashes but I didn't even feel the injection. I was warned that it would suck so at least that was a pleasant surprise.

Trying to explain this situation to the girls was hard. I can't give them hard facts about what will happen next but I couldn't not say anything so I'm sure they'll struggle a little as we adjust to whatever happens next. I've been trying to figure out how to pack for my potential hospital stay of unknown length in between laying down when contractions get too strong. I also desperately need to cut Mike's hair but am running out of time! I really wish I had done it this weekend but he works from home most days so I really only feel pressure on Mondays for him to look presentable.

I'm sure I'm leaving things out. I owe you pretty pictures and belly pictures and baby shower stuff. I'll try to update more tomorrow.