About the growth measurements

I saw my OB today, which always seems a little pointless but I know that it's important when things go awry so I'm fine with what feel like silly check ins. I was able to ask her a few questions I had including my question about not having another growth scan for a few weeks. She said that they can't accurately measure changes less than three weeks apart and that's why they won't check every time. She also was able to clear up how important those numbers are.

Cooper's smaller belly measurement was an important clue that he is struggling growth-wise but it isn't the number that would ultimately be the big red button to send us to delivery. It's an indicator that tells us to watch his umbilical blood flows very closely (with weekly biophysical profiles!) and if the flow stops or even reverses that tells us that he's not going to grow any more on the inside and needs to be delivered to have his best chance. It's possible that he's just going to be a smaller baby but as long as he keeps growing at his own rate and still has blood flow then his size isn't, in itself, as much of a concern as I had thought.

It's so hard to know how to ask the right questions the right way. I know the ultrasound tech that did my BPP on Tuesday probably could have explained that if I had asked and if I had worded it correctly. I just tend to suffer from a blank brain when I'm there for some reason. I almost didn't even ask Dr S today because I had decided I would ask next Tuesday so my brain had checked it off the list for now.

I have been struggling a little emotionally this last week with Tuesday being the hardest day for me. I finally was able to put it into words while talking to a friend on Wednesday that I'm mostly struggling with the fact that I need to be simultaneously prepared mentally and emotionally for these babies to come any minute AND prepared to do this pregnancy for another 8 weeks. I know that I needed to just get over myself a little bit because this is obviously all totally worth it. I know that I won't regret a second of this work and worry when these boys are earthside. But I'm also obviously uncomfortable at all times when not in actual pain. I am stressed and anxious every moment. It's hard. But I know that I want these boys to stay inside as long as possible more than I want to be comfortable. I want them to have as much time as we can give them to get strong before birth more than I want to not be pregnant anymore and oh boy do I want to not be pregnant anymore!

Just now as I'm thinking about it I realize that this is much like child birth. Just as I get settled into a level of discomfort and annoyance, things change and I have a new thing to get used to. Some days it's a change in baby positioning that leaves me hurting in a new place. Some days it's a growth spurt or gas bubble that leaves me feeling full to absolute capacity and about to burst. Some days it's a new movement that I can no longer perform because my pelvis says no, like scratching one leg with the other. Some days it's realizing that standing for more than an hour at a go is going to leave me with sausage toes and swelling for at least a couple days. It's all worth it. And this ended up much longer than the quick update I had intended.

Not what I expected

Today was my first biophysical profile and it wasn't at all what I expected. I guess I was expecting this to be more in depth like our usual aapointments and I left with a lot less info than usual. But the important part is that the babies passed and get to keep cooking another week!

The BPP consisted of the usual weight and blood pressure measurement followed by a non-stress test. The non-stress test was a little tricky because neither baby really loved the idea of being tracked but it was nice to just sit and listen to the wooshing of heartbeats and the kicks when the boys would move away. I did get cramped fingers from helping to hold the monitors at the right angles to catch each baby and at the end I had to shift to my side to catch Lincoln for the remainder of his time. There was also a sensor to track contractions which didn't pick up much of anything but did confirm that I really can't tell the difference between major baby movements and slight contractions. The few times that the number went up a little felt the same as the time Cooper rolled completely away from his sensor.

After they tracked heartbeats and movements I was taken in for an ultrasound to measure a few quick dopplers and fluid and watch for practice breathing. This took awhile because Cooper didn't want to practice but he managed to give us an effort a few minutes before his time was up.

Thankfully Cooper's fluid measured higher today but Lincoln's still measured about the same as last week so they haven't evened out quite yet. They didn't measure the babies' growth today so I'm not sure where we are on the size difference and didn't think to ask about that until after I had left. I know it was one of the bigger concerns last week but I had that fluid measurement in my head and just totally forgot about it. The tech told me that we wouldn't measure growth for two more weeks so I'll be sure to ask about that belly measurement next week. She asked me if I had any questions for the doctor so I could have easily had her stop in but at the time I couldn't think of any questions so I didn't even see Dr B today.

Oh, and these naughty little boys of course decided to head back to the wrong positions. Cooper is breech and Lincoln was draped over his head along the top. Both kiddos were facing my back so we couldn't even get any pictures of their little faces and Lincoln's back and ribs are jammed up in my ribs in the least comfortable way possible of course. I'll take healthy inside babies any day but these fools could just go back to how they were last week! I felt so much better and more energetic when I wasn't uncomfortable at all times.

So that's what we know folks! I see my OB on Thursday and then Saturday is BABY SHOWER DAY!!! I'm so excited to celebrate these boys with my friends and get some photos for their baby books to show them how many people are so invested in them already. I might also be in it for the yummy foods that will be making their way to my face that day but mostly the friends and love.

28 weeks

                                      

I got bored with the same background and shots I've been taking for my belly photos so I tried a few new things today. Plus I had absolutely no desire to do my hair or makeup just for photos so these ideas conveniently didn't require either of those things. Win win.

                                                  

I said last week that I had been given the glucose challenge and was told that no news was good news. Of course when they called me a few hours later I had a mini heart attack but the nurse said my glucose was fine but my hemoglobin levels were low and my doctor wants me to take an iron supplement. My first reaction was incredulity until I realized that I haven't been anywhere near my regular diet lately and the high carb content taking over where I would usually have a very high protein diet probably has something to do with that change. 

Our fourth daughter had severe food intolerances and left us both on a very restricted diet while she was still breastfeeding so I turned to something very close to a paleo lifestyle and loved it. I loved how I felt and I loved what I was feeding my family. Since she turned 2 she has been able to handle many of the foods she couldn't tolerate before and we've gotten away from how I would prefer to be eating all the time but I still managed to make most of our family meals paleo. Of course then came a twin pregnancy and we're all just trying to stay alive over here! So I'm taking iron twice a day.

So far I've managed not to develop any new stretch marks during this pregnancy. My fourth pregnancy left me with stretch marks on my belly that I'd never had before but they arrived at the very end and stayed on the lower half where I couldn't see them. I know that these boys will definitely leave their mark soon and probably all over the place so I figured I should get a photo before I earn my stripes. I measured today and still got a steady 43 inches around but I feel like that definition between my big ole belly and my hips is new this week and puts me solidly into weirdly gigantic territory that twin mamas get to enjoy.

I built a new gate for the bottom of our stairs today and while I was adding the eye hooks for the latch, the very last step, little miss B decided she needed to be using the drill and in her attempt to convince me that she should be helping said "Are you sure you can do that with a big belly?!" Haha! The dog isn't a fan of this new obstacle to him eating the kids' toys but I'm pretty excited that it worked out. Building the gate really helped me feel a little less at loose ends but didn't help me accomplish anything else today. I'm pretty much only capable of doing one major task each day before I get too tired or the pain gets to be too much so doing projects like this means I have to push back things like cleaning or grocery shopping. My family was pretty impressed with my gate build but they'll probably be less impressed in the morning when they realize that I didn't do anything about our cereal shortage. Don't worry, nobody will go hungry because there's always oatmeal as a backup but there will be complaints.

Also, if you happen to have some lemon cake on you and happen to be in my neighborhood you are welcome to stop by with it immediately. I'm craving lemon and cake this week and would kill for a combo of the two!

Restless

Last week I felt like a caged animal. Like I could pace back and forth for hours because I couldn't do anything better to appease the feeling. I'm not the most motivated person on the planet, as the general state of my kitchen can attest, but when I feel like accomplishing things I tend to be a bit of a juggernaut. I'm also in the middle of at least five different projects that had to be put on hold once the twins started to complicate life and there are no less then 20 more on my list including building at least one more bed from scratch, replacing tile, reflooring three rooms, refinishing cupboards, etc. So I feel like there are always so many things I could be doing except that I'm physically not able to right now which makes me crazy when I feel restless. I suppose this is probably related to what people call nesting. I DID clean out my fridge. But in my brain I want to finish painting the outside of my house instead of putting new shelf paper down. I want to finally tile my kitchen backsplash instead of washing and folding tiny clothes. It's making me a crazy person and I'm not even on bed rest! I would be a terrible bed rest patient.

Today was another visit to Dr B for Mike and I and the babies. We started on a high note with the tech saying my cervical length looked good. I didn't catch the length and I'm annoyed because I wanted to see if the shorter length last week might have just been a different tech measuring weird but whatever. I don't need to borrow any stress over my cervix when nobody else is concerned. Then I could have kissed her when she told me there were two little heads snuggled together right at the bottom! These boys are capable of both being head down at the same time! Hallelujah! Cooper went back and forth from feet/legs to the front to feet/legs towards my right side while Lincoln sort of did the same so his little feet were kicking his brother most of the time. I've been more and more stressed about the logistics of a c-section while trying to work out my feelings and what would make me the most comfortable in that situation so it was like a beacon of hope that these boys were showing me that they know how to get in the right positions. Unfortunately, things went a little downhill from there.

Cooper's fluid measured right around 2.5 cm which is down from the 4ish he had two weeks ago which was down from the 5 before that. Lincoln's fluid was around 7.8 cm which was up from the 5ish of both previous measurements. Last time I was able to not think much about it because it was only a small change and only one boy but this week we're way way too close to officially being in stage I again. Stage I TTTS is when the donor twin has less than 2cm of fluid and the recipient has more than 8cm. Cooper's bladder looked good and all his blood flow measurements were healthy and normal so things definitely aren't as scary as they have been. Lincoln's bladder was really full and most of his blood flows were good but one number was at the very top of normal so it's something they will be watching closely as well.

The other concerning bit was that there is now a size difference. I wasn't really convinced of the skill of the ultrasound student who peeked at the babies last week and of course the perinatal center has better equipment so I trust their measurements a lot more but I was pretty surprised to see that their numbers were so different just five days apart. Cooper measured about 2 lb 3 oz with a belly measurement in about the 7th percentile. Lincoln measured around 2 lb 7 oz with a belly measurement in a much more appropriate 34th percentile. She was having a hard time getting Cooper's belly measurement because he had too many limbs in the way and refused to be still so my hope is that that number is a little off but with TTTS we can't be too surprised that he's smaller. It was really only a matter of time but I was hoping we would have several more weeks of both boys being big and strong before he fell off their growth curve. Womp womp sad panda.

So the boys have bought me a ticket to more time in Dr B's office. I will go back every week for the next 6 at least (six weeks of appointments printed out is a LOT!) for a biophysical profile. This includes a 30 minute strip of the babies' heart rates which I can only imagine is a tricky business with two wiggly naughty boys. Then they've scheduled us for 30 minutes per baby for the ultrasound afterwards. She said they have to get a certain amount of time watching each baby breathe and that can take some time. So I need to find some good books to load on my Kindle!

As you may be aware from your Facebook feeds, today is Valentine's Day! We have an amazing friend who was willing to keep our wild 3 year old for as long as we wanted (seriously, I couldn't have kept my sanity through this pregnancy without her, she's amazing) so Mike and I were able to make reservations at a cool downtown restaurant for lunch after our appointment and we stopped to do some mattress shopping in between. I can only imagine how ridiculous I looked rolling onto and off of all the mattresses in the store but the salesperson managed not to laugh at me the entire time. She really earned any potential commission she would get! Before that fiasco we spent a few minutes at Target where Mike tried on pants and I'm fairly certain I had a panic attack. Thankfully it was short lived and I managed not to truly need to lay down on the floor but I was really close for a minute. I have suffered from severe anxiety for a long time but thankfully only have acute panic attacks while pregnant and even then only rarely. Unfortunately their rarity makes it hard for me to realize what's happening at the time and only in hindsight do I realize what it means when I feel like I can't breathe and might faint and then need to throw up and then get really hot and want to run away but also want to lay on the floor and never move again. Thankfully it was very short lived and I was able to shake it off and enjoy flopping around the mattress store and then eating way delicious italian food. I feel like the waiter was a little put off by the small amount I was able to eat and I wanted to explain that it was amazing and I was just too full of babies but the opportunity never presented itself.

I hope you had a day full of love and joy whether it was with a special someone or your tiny loves or a furry valentine. Keep us in your thoughts this week and we'll all hope that these boys will shape up before next Tuesday so I can sleep again.

Entering the countdown

Today marks 27 weeks of my fifth pregnancy. It also means we are 10 weeks or less from meeting these little misters who have made things so exciting lately. Our 3 year old, B, has been asking lately when her brothers will come out so the younger girls and I made a paper chain today to count down the days until the babies arrive. I chose ten colors of paper and made seven strips of each so that we can see the weeks pass as we count down the days. Let me tell you, 10 weeks seems like a short time when you think about preparing to care for two newborns but when you see 70 strips of paper stapled in a chain it looks like an awful lot of days to carry this big belly around!

I started measuring this big ole belly a few weeks ago. I don't remember why I started measuring but for the first few weeks the measurement stayed at 41 inches around at the roundest spot and then last week went up to 42 and this morning was just about 43 inches. So if you happen to see me these days don't hesitate to marvel at my rapidly expanding waistline because I feel every bit of how huge I am. At my OB appointment today the ultrasound student who measured the babes said they each weigh about 2 pound 4 ounces, which accounts for that growth. Not only are they packing on the pudge but they are now far too big to hide within my ribs and hips in any way so they've obviously had to expand towards the front.

Last week we saw Dr. B and it was the most boring appointment with her yet but in the best possible ways. The boys blood flows look great and they are doing everything two perfect twin babies are supposed to do. The only tiny concern is that Cooper had a little less fluid than he had two weeks previously but it was still within totally normal amounts and didn't bother the doctor in the least. She said that she had just spent a day at a meeting all about their new recommendations and protocols for TTTS patients and she was thinking about us as they spoke about stage I and II. I guess I did also note that my cervical length was shorter than it has been in the past but again still totally not at a point that anyone worries about, just something I'll be keeping an eye on to ask about if it changes again.

My OB appointment today with Dr S was one of those rites of passage for pregnancy. The dreaded glucose tolerance test! I was thankful to be handed the lemon-lime flavor today. Having done this 5 times before I have had the displeasure of tasting a few different flavors and the most recent was an awful fruit punch that gave me terrible heartburn and left me feeling gross during the whole one hour waiting time. My favorite was the orange flavor but I had that one twice during my third pregnancy so I no longer have fond memories. The first time I took that glucose challenge I didn't know it was coming and ate a big sub and large cookie right before showing up to the lab. Oops! Thankfully my midwife at the time caught that I only failed by one point and knew my health history well enough to question why I might have failed and only asked me to repeat the one hour test instead of sitting through the standard 3 hour follow up. I was starving before I even got there today so I can't imagine how awful I would feel during a 3 hour test, though I know that my hunger today was all in my head because I knew I couldn't eat anything for an hour before and the hour during the test.

So before our next visited to Dr B we'll hope not to hear any bad news about glucose. And I'll ask you all to pray that these boys will start to consider putting their naughty little heads downwards. Today they are as far from where I need them as they could possibly get. Based on the way they can/tend to maneuver they can't just simply slide into position. Both boys will need to first turn ass over tea kettle so that their heads get to the left side and then they can shift down OR Cooper can fold in half (because he is stretched out straight, which is not really my favorite act of these sharp little babies) and get into position while Lincoln flips and folds and shimmies down a little. Whatever has to happen, it would really be nice if it could happen soon before they get themselves too comfortable and too wedged in there. Plus it would really help my anxiety to have one less thing to worry about at all times!

I'll be back next week to let you know how things go. Thanks for following our journey and caring about these babies. You'll never know how much it means to us that you (yep, I'm looking at you) are reading and caring and thinking good thoughts for us. Thank you!