One week later

Hi friends! Long time no blog. I hope you've been keeping up with us over on the Facebook page because that's where all the action has been. It's far easier for me to post an update from my phone on Facebook while we're driving to and from seeing the boys or while I'm holding one of them than it has been to find time to pull out the computer and string together anything that makes sense over here.

So the Cliff's Notes version for anyone who hasn't seen my updates: One week ago Cooper and Lincoln were born at 1:52 pm, March 9th via c-section. Cooper was 2 lbs 10.5oz, Lincoln was 3 lb 6oz, and both were 16.5 inches long. Cooper needed a little bit of suction before he started breathing on his own and Lincoln was born screaming!

The surgery lasted 28 minutes and went so much better than I ever could have dreamed. I had a lot of anxiety going in and had the shakes really really bad! I had made sure to let everyone know that I was going to struggle with this so my nurses were amazing and kind and the anesthesiologist gave me some nitrous oxide in my oxygen mask as soon as I was laid back on the table. It was exactly what I needed at that moment and I could have kissed the man! I was able to relax and focus on the fact that my boys were about to be born instead of being lost in my own fears. As soon as Dr S cut into my uterus everyone started exclaiming about the FLOOD of fluid that filled the suction machine and overflowed onto the floor. The second OB joked about being happy she had worn her booties because they were literally standing in our excess of fluid and mopping it up after the surgery!

Michael was brought in and seated next to my head right before the surgery started but he spent most of the time standing and watching and then going with the babies into the next room. If I hadn't had the happy gas I probably would have been upset that he wasn't holding my hand or something. As it was, I felt them pushing and pulling on me and then heard a nurse say "happy birthday" as Cooper was born and less than a minute later I heard Lincoln come out screaming his head off. The cries of a preemie sound very different than a full term baby but it was the most beautiful sound I'd ever heard and I immediately started crying knowing how big a thing it was that he was breathing on his own right away.

The nurses immediately brought the babies and Michael into an adjoining room to assess them, suction Cooper a little bit, and wrap them up. Then a nurse brought me each baby to peek at and kiss before they brought the boys into the NICU. Once I was closed up I was brought across the hall to spend a couple hours in recovery getting poked and watched and given ice chips, then water, then apple juice. I hadn't eaten since midnight so it was the most delicious apple juice I'd ever had! Then the nurse drove my gurney into the NICU where I was able to see the boys for a few minutes each before being driven up to the birth care floor. This gurney ride was the beginning of the most awful part of the surgery for me. I already struggle with motion sickness and that combined with my awful reactions to pain meds left me feeling very sick for several hours and a couple bouts of vomiting before everything finally wore off enough to stop the spinning. It took another couple days before we finally figured out what the best combo of meds for me was to stay on top of the pain without feeling awful but my new rule for life is no more narcotics ever!

The rest of my stay in the hospital consisted of going up and down from the NICU to sit with my little guys, pump, rest, eat, repeat. I was so lucky to have visits from a couple wonderful friends and a friend actually had a baby in the same hospital while I was there so I popped in to see her a couple times. On Monday I was discharged from the hospital and was able to come home to see my girls. Because the girls aren't able to visit the NICU during flu season and seeing their mom in the hospital can be a little jarring, we decided not to have them visit me at all but I did video call them a few times and Mike was home with them every night and most of the days. The girls were very very ready for mommy to come home and missing them made it a tiny bit easier to leave the hospital. I still cried most of the way home and starting crying at the pharmacy counter and cried several times before going back to see my boys the next day. Transitioning from the quiet hospital back to my crazy house has been a challenge. Trying to figure out how to be Mom while still recovering from surgery, figuring out pumping, visiting the boys, and dealing with hormones has had its ups and downs but we've had amazing support from friends and the hospital staff has really helped us feel supported on that end. It helps that I married the most amazing man who has picked up the slack in every arena and is an awesome dad and husband. Neither of us really know what we're doing here but we're muddling our way through together and he's been supportive of my needs on top of the general needs of the family without ever once complaining.

Check in on Facebook to see lots of photos of our sweet babies! We're getting ready to head out to see them soon and it cannot be soon enough. The hour drive each way just kills me!

Where shit gets real

So, things are scary. Things were already hard and stressful and annoying and painful at times but now it's getting really real.

This morning I went back for another BPP and growth measurement. Three weeks ago we started to be concerned again about the direction the boys' health was moving and each week has added a level of concern. I'm going to try to just lay out the facts here first without a lot of comment.

• Cooper's largest fluid measurement was around 1.5 cm
• Lincoln's fluid measured at 9.78 cm
• Cooper has a visible bladder and stomach and great blood flows
• We are officially back in stage I TTTS
• They have some concerns about the area of the placenta where Cooper's cord inserts showing signs of deteriorating and calcifying. This is hard to truly know until they deliver but it definitely doesn't look as healthy as the area where Lincoln's cord inserts.
• Lincoln, in his big pool of fluid, has managed to tangle his cord around his feet. The blood flow from placenta to feet is great in the cord but from feet to the belly button is not awesome.
• The excess fluid around Lincoln is probably causing a lot of my extra discomfort as well as lots and lot of contractions
• Both boys are head down! Yay!
• Cooper measured in the 8th percentile for growth which is down from the 12th of three weeks ago. This number is new to me because we had focused on the belly measurement last time.
• Lincoln is measuring in the 30th percentile somewhere so their difference is more than average twins and more than anyone likes to see

I am headed back to see Dr B again in the morning and check on these little stinkers. If she cannot measure a pocket of fluid around Cooper at 2cm or above I will be admitted to the hospital to receive IV fluids, rest, and monitor the boys often. The goal is still to keep them in as long as possible and healthy but that's a touch and go thing right now so we won't know how long I might be admitted for. If it happens I'll update with more info on the actual hospital plan but the way things are looking today it seems like I'd be there until I deliver and that would be soon. I hope that's wrong.

I received the first of two steroid injections this morning and will get the second tomorrow. These steroids help the babies' lungs to develop. I've had these shots with my oldest but we were thankfully able to stop preterm labor with her and I didn't ever ask much about how they work or do any research so I can't give more info than that. So far they have given me some hot flashes but I didn't even feel the injection. I was warned that it would suck so at least that was a pleasant surprise.

Trying to explain this situation to the girls was hard. I can't give them hard facts about what will happen next but I couldn't not say anything so I'm sure they'll struggle a little as we adjust to whatever happens next. I've been trying to figure out how to pack for my potential hospital stay of unknown length in between laying down when contractions get too strong. I also desperately need to cut Mike's hair but am running out of time! I really wish I had done it this weekend but he works from home most days so I really only feel pressure on Mondays for him to look presentable.

I'm sure I'm leaving things out. I owe you pretty pictures and belly pictures and baby shower stuff. I'll try to update more tomorrow.

We made it to 30 weeks guys!

Yesterday was my second biophysical profile and had it's highs and lows.

Both boys passed with all their points! The NST found them both to have great variability in their heart rates although it took a really long time to locate both babies. I mean, we knew they are obviously still in the general vicinity but neither wanted to get monitored. The nurse brought in a pocket ultrasound and I wish that was something they just hand out to high risk patients! How amazing would it be to just be able to peek at the boys whenever we felt like it? Unfortunately the boys have long limbs that are all sorts of smashed together so she still couldn't find a good spot to place the sensor to grab Cooper's heart strip. So she went to ask a sonographer (this word has been on the outskirts of my brain all these weeks and I couldn't get it to surface, my apologies to any sonographers out there (especially those I am related to and/or have known all my life) that may not have liked being called an ultrasound tech all this time. I don't always love being called a hair dresser and I imagine it might be similar in your field.) to come in and find those tricksy babes.

OMG! That little smirk! It just kills me dead. I swear if these boys have their dad's smile I do not stand a chance of ever disciplining them. Sometimes I could swear that I hear a little *ting* sound effect when he smiles. And the nose and cheeks are starting to look like their big sisters for sure. They all look very similar as babies but I think I see A here the most.

We also got to listen to one of the boys having hiccups during the whole NST so that was all kinds of adorable. Unfortunately it was pretty immediately obvious during the ultrasound portion of the show that Cooper is once again getting shrink wrapped in his amniotic sack so the warm fuzzies turned to fear rather quickly. The amnion kind of causes a blur on the screen when it's so close to his little face and it's like looking through a foggy window at him. The sonographer was able to measure his largest vertical pocket of fluid at around 2.24 cm. This is lower than the last two weeks and much more visibly obvious even to me. Then she measured Lincoln's fluid which is tipping the scales at around 9.5 cm. This means that Cooper's measurement is .25 cm away from officially putting us back into stage I TTTS. These numbers can change day to day and depend on the babies' positions but the continued downward trend is the most concerning. Thankfully Cooper still has an easily visible bladder, both boys have great blood flows, and they both moved plenty. Lincoln did awesome practice breathing and Cooper had the hiccups again, which counts as both movement and practice breathing. I'd love to see him do a little more practice breathing next time because he hasn't done as well as his big little brother but I suppose it's not a competition. Because they passed their test and haven't officially gone back into TTTS we're sticking with my next appointment on Tuesday unless something changes between now and then. So we get to grow and fatten up for another week!

On the brighter side, the boys were once again head down with Cooper's noggin lodged way waaaaay down into my pelvis and Lincoln's head on top of his. Cooper is so far down that the sonographer had to tilt the table backwards to get access to measure the blood flow to his brain, which added some extra blood blow to my brain and some baby butts in my lungs making it hard to breathe! Hard to breathe is a relative term though because allergies and babies mean it is never actually easy for me to breathe anymore but I'm pretty excited every time these guys have those little heads together in the right spot.

Bonus points if you can tell what anything in this photo might be. I can see Cooper's fist and his little face turned away. I think that might be Lincoln's head over on the left but I'm not certain.

It seems a lot more important the last few days for them to be in the right positions because I've started to have regular timeable contractions. Up until now I've had plenty of Braxton Hicks contractions and several real ones here and there when I push my body too much but nothing that ever formed a pattern or lasted longer than a couple squeezes. Tuesday I was awoken from a nap to a strong tightening. None of them have been painful but strong enough that I can feel as it spreads over my entire belly and tightens downwards. I was able to go back to sleep but woke up twice more from obvious contractions and decided it was time to start timing them. Over the next couple hours I timed them between 5 and 9 minutes apart lasting for 30-45 seconds each time. Just when I was about to call the hospital and potentially go in they spaced out to about 15 minutes apart and then went to closer to 30 minutes for the next 24 hours. Yesterday evening and today have been better by far. The contractions are lighter and further apart at 30-45 minutes apart when I could time them but I've been trying to ignore them a little unless they demand my attention.

Two little booties and some gigantic feet! Seriously! Look at those feet. I'm going to blame those giant feet for the constant pain in my ribs and the fact that I felt Lincoln kick on one side of my belly last night but saw Cooper's bum bump out on the other side of my belly at the same time.

I've decided that I need to get on top of packing my hospital bag and getting as much laundry done as possible while also physically not doing too much. Slowly but surely. Hopefully it will all be for naught and will sit around making my bedroom look messy for several weeks! I know I need to update a little about the baby shower and share some updated photos that show the belly but this post is long enough as is so you'll just have to wait. There's also a video of these babes but I haven't downloaded it yet to see if it's worth sharing here. I hope this week has been kind to you and may you be more comfortable at all times than I am. If you're the praying type please send one up that the babies' fluid will balance out again and that my contractions will just stop. I truly think my body doesn't want to stretch any more and is trying to hit eject so I'm hoping that I'll hit some point where my muscles give a little and then everything will calm down a little.

About the growth measurements

I saw my OB today, which always seems a little pointless but I know that it's important when things go awry so I'm fine with what feel like silly check ins. I was able to ask her a few questions I had including my question about not having another growth scan for a few weeks. She said that they can't accurately measure changes less than three weeks apart and that's why they won't check every time. She also was able to clear up how important those numbers are.

Cooper's smaller belly measurement was an important clue that he is struggling growth-wise but it isn't the number that would ultimately be the big red button to send us to delivery. It's an indicator that tells us to watch his umbilical blood flows very closely (with weekly biophysical profiles!) and if the flow stops or even reverses that tells us that he's not going to grow any more on the inside and needs to be delivered to have his best chance. It's possible that he's just going to be a smaller baby but as long as he keeps growing at his own rate and still has blood flow then his size isn't, in itself, as much of a concern as I had thought.

It's so hard to know how to ask the right questions the right way. I know the ultrasound tech that did my BPP on Tuesday probably could have explained that if I had asked and if I had worded it correctly. I just tend to suffer from a blank brain when I'm there for some reason. I almost didn't even ask Dr S today because I had decided I would ask next Tuesday so my brain had checked it off the list for now.

I have been struggling a little emotionally this last week with Tuesday being the hardest day for me. I finally was able to put it into words while talking to a friend on Wednesday that I'm mostly struggling with the fact that I need to be simultaneously prepared mentally and emotionally for these babies to come any minute AND prepared to do this pregnancy for another 8 weeks. I know that I needed to just get over myself a little bit because this is obviously all totally worth it. I know that I won't regret a second of this work and worry when these boys are earthside. But I'm also obviously uncomfortable at all times when not in actual pain. I am stressed and anxious every moment. It's hard. But I know that I want these boys to stay inside as long as possible more than I want to be comfortable. I want them to have as much time as we can give them to get strong before birth more than I want to not be pregnant anymore and oh boy do I want to not be pregnant anymore!

Just now as I'm thinking about it I realize that this is much like child birth. Just as I get settled into a level of discomfort and annoyance, things change and I have a new thing to get used to. Some days it's a change in baby positioning that leaves me hurting in a new place. Some days it's a growth spurt or gas bubble that leaves me feeling full to absolute capacity and about to burst. Some days it's a new movement that I can no longer perform because my pelvis says no, like scratching one leg with the other. Some days it's realizing that standing for more than an hour at a go is going to leave me with sausage toes and swelling for at least a couple days. It's all worth it. And this ended up much longer than the quick update I had intended.

Not what I expected

Today was my first biophysical profile and it wasn't at all what I expected. I guess I was expecting this to be more in depth like our usual aapointments and I left with a lot less info than usual. But the important part is that the babies passed and get to keep cooking another week!

The BPP consisted of the usual weight and blood pressure measurement followed by a non-stress test. The non-stress test was a little tricky because neither baby really loved the idea of being tracked but it was nice to just sit and listen to the wooshing of heartbeats and the kicks when the boys would move away. I did get cramped fingers from helping to hold the monitors at the right angles to catch each baby and at the end I had to shift to my side to catch Lincoln for the remainder of his time. There was also a sensor to track contractions which didn't pick up much of anything but did confirm that I really can't tell the difference between major baby movements and slight contractions. The few times that the number went up a little felt the same as the time Cooper rolled completely away from his sensor.

After they tracked heartbeats and movements I was taken in for an ultrasound to measure a few quick dopplers and fluid and watch for practice breathing. This took awhile because Cooper didn't want to practice but he managed to give us an effort a few minutes before his time was up.

Thankfully Cooper's fluid measured higher today but Lincoln's still measured about the same as last week so they haven't evened out quite yet. They didn't measure the babies' growth today so I'm not sure where we are on the size difference and didn't think to ask about that until after I had left. I know it was one of the bigger concerns last week but I had that fluid measurement in my head and just totally forgot about it. The tech told me that we wouldn't measure growth for two more weeks so I'll be sure to ask about that belly measurement next week. She asked me if I had any questions for the doctor so I could have easily had her stop in but at the time I couldn't think of any questions so I didn't even see Dr B today.

Oh, and these naughty little boys of course decided to head back to the wrong positions. Cooper is breech and Lincoln was draped over his head along the top. Both kiddos were facing my back so we couldn't even get any pictures of their little faces and Lincoln's back and ribs are jammed up in my ribs in the least comfortable way possible of course. I'll take healthy inside babies any day but these fools could just go back to how they were last week! I felt so much better and more energetic when I wasn't uncomfortable at all times.

So that's what we know folks! I see my OB on Thursday and then Saturday is BABY SHOWER DAY!!! I'm so excited to celebrate these boys with my friends and get some photos for their baby books to show them how many people are so invested in them already. I might also be in it for the yummy foods that will be making their way to my face that day but mostly the friends and love.

28 weeks

                                      

I got bored with the same background and shots I've been taking for my belly photos so I tried a few new things today. Plus I had absolutely no desire to do my hair or makeup just for photos so these ideas conveniently didn't require either of those things. Win win.

                                                  

I said last week that I had been given the glucose challenge and was told that no news was good news. Of course when they called me a few hours later I had a mini heart attack but the nurse said my glucose was fine but my hemoglobin levels were low and my doctor wants me to take an iron supplement. My first reaction was incredulity until I realized that I haven't been anywhere near my regular diet lately and the high carb content taking over where I would usually have a very high protein diet probably has something to do with that change. 

Our fourth daughter had severe food intolerances and left us both on a very restricted diet while she was still breastfeeding so I turned to something very close to a paleo lifestyle and loved it. I loved how I felt and I loved what I was feeding my family. Since she turned 2 she has been able to handle many of the foods she couldn't tolerate before and we've gotten away from how I would prefer to be eating all the time but I still managed to make most of our family meals paleo. Of course then came a twin pregnancy and we're all just trying to stay alive over here! So I'm taking iron twice a day.

So far I've managed not to develop any new stretch marks during this pregnancy. My fourth pregnancy left me with stretch marks on my belly that I'd never had before but they arrived at the very end and stayed on the lower half where I couldn't see them. I know that these boys will definitely leave their mark soon and probably all over the place so I figured I should get a photo before I earn my stripes. I measured today and still got a steady 43 inches around but I feel like that definition between my big ole belly and my hips is new this week and puts me solidly into weirdly gigantic territory that twin mamas get to enjoy.

I built a new gate for the bottom of our stairs today and while I was adding the eye hooks for the latch, the very last step, little miss B decided she needed to be using the drill and in her attempt to convince me that she should be helping said "Are you sure you can do that with a big belly?!" Haha! The dog isn't a fan of this new obstacle to him eating the kids' toys but I'm pretty excited that it worked out. Building the gate really helped me feel a little less at loose ends but didn't help me accomplish anything else today. I'm pretty much only capable of doing one major task each day before I get too tired or the pain gets to be too much so doing projects like this means I have to push back things like cleaning or grocery shopping. My family was pretty impressed with my gate build but they'll probably be less impressed in the morning when they realize that I didn't do anything about our cereal shortage. Don't worry, nobody will go hungry because there's always oatmeal as a backup but there will be complaints.

Also, if you happen to have some lemon cake on you and happen to be in my neighborhood you are welcome to stop by with it immediately. I'm craving lemon and cake this week and would kill for a combo of the two!

Restless

Last week I felt like a caged animal. Like I could pace back and forth for hours because I couldn't do anything better to appease the feeling. I'm not the most motivated person on the planet, as the general state of my kitchen can attest, but when I feel like accomplishing things I tend to be a bit of a juggernaut. I'm also in the middle of at least five different projects that had to be put on hold once the twins started to complicate life and there are no less then 20 more on my list including building at least one more bed from scratch, replacing tile, reflooring three rooms, refinishing cupboards, etc. So I feel like there are always so many things I could be doing except that I'm physically not able to right now which makes me crazy when I feel restless. I suppose this is probably related to what people call nesting. I DID clean out my fridge. But in my brain I want to finish painting the outside of my house instead of putting new shelf paper down. I want to finally tile my kitchen backsplash instead of washing and folding tiny clothes. It's making me a crazy person and I'm not even on bed rest! I would be a terrible bed rest patient.

Today was another visit to Dr B for Mike and I and the babies. We started on a high note with the tech saying my cervical length looked good. I didn't catch the length and I'm annoyed because I wanted to see if the shorter length last week might have just been a different tech measuring weird but whatever. I don't need to borrow any stress over my cervix when nobody else is concerned. Then I could have kissed her when she told me there were two little heads snuggled together right at the bottom! These boys are capable of both being head down at the same time! Hallelujah! Cooper went back and forth from feet/legs to the front to feet/legs towards my right side while Lincoln sort of did the same so his little feet were kicking his brother most of the time. I've been more and more stressed about the logistics of a c-section while trying to work out my feelings and what would make me the most comfortable in that situation so it was like a beacon of hope that these boys were showing me that they know how to get in the right positions. Unfortunately, things went a little downhill from there.

Cooper's fluid measured right around 2.5 cm which is down from the 4ish he had two weeks ago which was down from the 5 before that. Lincoln's fluid was around 7.8 cm which was up from the 5ish of both previous measurements. Last time I was able to not think much about it because it was only a small change and only one boy but this week we're way way too close to officially being in stage I again. Stage I TTTS is when the donor twin has less than 2cm of fluid and the recipient has more than 8cm. Cooper's bladder looked good and all his blood flow measurements were healthy and normal so things definitely aren't as scary as they have been. Lincoln's bladder was really full and most of his blood flows were good but one number was at the very top of normal so it's something they will be watching closely as well.

The other concerning bit was that there is now a size difference. I wasn't really convinced of the skill of the ultrasound student who peeked at the babies last week and of course the perinatal center has better equipment so I trust their measurements a lot more but I was pretty surprised to see that their numbers were so different just five days apart. Cooper measured about 2 lb 3 oz with a belly measurement in about the 7th percentile. Lincoln measured around 2 lb 7 oz with a belly measurement in a much more appropriate 34th percentile. She was having a hard time getting Cooper's belly measurement because he had too many limbs in the way and refused to be still so my hope is that that number is a little off but with TTTS we can't be too surprised that he's smaller. It was really only a matter of time but I was hoping we would have several more weeks of both boys being big and strong before he fell off their growth curve. Womp womp sad panda.

So the boys have bought me a ticket to more time in Dr B's office. I will go back every week for the next 6 at least (six weeks of appointments printed out is a LOT!) for a biophysical profile. This includes a 30 minute strip of the babies' heart rates which I can only imagine is a tricky business with two wiggly naughty boys. Then they've scheduled us for 30 minutes per baby for the ultrasound afterwards. She said they have to get a certain amount of time watching each baby breathe and that can take some time. So I need to find some good books to load on my Kindle!

As you may be aware from your Facebook feeds, today is Valentine's Day! We have an amazing friend who was willing to keep our wild 3 year old for as long as we wanted (seriously, I couldn't have kept my sanity through this pregnancy without her, she's amazing) so Mike and I were able to make reservations at a cool downtown restaurant for lunch after our appointment and we stopped to do some mattress shopping in between. I can only imagine how ridiculous I looked rolling onto and off of all the mattresses in the store but the salesperson managed not to laugh at me the entire time. She really earned any potential commission she would get! Before that fiasco we spent a few minutes at Target where Mike tried on pants and I'm fairly certain I had a panic attack. Thankfully it was short lived and I managed not to truly need to lay down on the floor but I was really close for a minute. I have suffered from severe anxiety for a long time but thankfully only have acute panic attacks while pregnant and even then only rarely. Unfortunately their rarity makes it hard for me to realize what's happening at the time and only in hindsight do I realize what it means when I feel like I can't breathe and might faint and then need to throw up and then get really hot and want to run away but also want to lay on the floor and never move again. Thankfully it was very short lived and I was able to shake it off and enjoy flopping around the mattress store and then eating way delicious italian food. I feel like the waiter was a little put off by the small amount I was able to eat and I wanted to explain that it was amazing and I was just too full of babies but the opportunity never presented itself.

I hope you had a day full of love and joy whether it was with a special someone or your tiny loves or a furry valentine. Keep us in your thoughts this week and we'll all hope that these boys will shape up before next Tuesday so I can sleep again.

Entering the countdown

Today marks 27 weeks of my fifth pregnancy. It also means we are 10 weeks or less from meeting these little misters who have made things so exciting lately. Our 3 year old, B, has been asking lately when her brothers will come out so the younger girls and I made a paper chain today to count down the days until the babies arrive. I chose ten colors of paper and made seven strips of each so that we can see the weeks pass as we count down the days. Let me tell you, 10 weeks seems like a short time when you think about preparing to care for two newborns but when you see 70 strips of paper stapled in a chain it looks like an awful lot of days to carry this big belly around!

I started measuring this big ole belly a few weeks ago. I don't remember why I started measuring but for the first few weeks the measurement stayed at 41 inches around at the roundest spot and then last week went up to 42 and this morning was just about 43 inches. So if you happen to see me these days don't hesitate to marvel at my rapidly expanding waistline because I feel every bit of how huge I am. At my OB appointment today the ultrasound student who measured the babes said they each weigh about 2 pound 4 ounces, which accounts for that growth. Not only are they packing on the pudge but they are now far too big to hide within my ribs and hips in any way so they've obviously had to expand towards the front.

Last week we saw Dr. B and it was the most boring appointment with her yet but in the best possible ways. The boys blood flows look great and they are doing everything two perfect twin babies are supposed to do. The only tiny concern is that Cooper had a little less fluid than he had two weeks previously but it was still within totally normal amounts and didn't bother the doctor in the least. She said that she had just spent a day at a meeting all about their new recommendations and protocols for TTTS patients and she was thinking about us as they spoke about stage I and II. I guess I did also note that my cervical length was shorter than it has been in the past but again still totally not at a point that anyone worries about, just something I'll be keeping an eye on to ask about if it changes again.

My OB appointment today with Dr S was one of those rites of passage for pregnancy. The dreaded glucose tolerance test! I was thankful to be handed the lemon-lime flavor today. Having done this 5 times before I have had the displeasure of tasting a few different flavors and the most recent was an awful fruit punch that gave me terrible heartburn and left me feeling gross during the whole one hour waiting time. My favorite was the orange flavor but I had that one twice during my third pregnancy so I no longer have fond memories. The first time I took that glucose challenge I didn't know it was coming and ate a big sub and large cookie right before showing up to the lab. Oops! Thankfully my midwife at the time caught that I only failed by one point and knew my health history well enough to question why I might have failed and only asked me to repeat the one hour test instead of sitting through the standard 3 hour follow up. I was starving before I even got there today so I can't imagine how awful I would feel during a 3 hour test, though I know that my hunger today was all in my head because I knew I couldn't eat anything for an hour before and the hour during the test.

So before our next visited to Dr B we'll hope not to hear any bad news about glucose. And I'll ask you all to pray that these boys will start to consider putting their naughty little heads downwards. Today they are as far from where I need them as they could possibly get. Based on the way they can/tend to maneuver they can't just simply slide into position. Both boys will need to first turn ass over tea kettle so that their heads get to the left side and then they can shift down OR Cooper can fold in half (because he is stretched out straight, which is not really my favorite act of these sharp little babies) and get into position while Lincoln flips and folds and shimmies down a little. Whatever has to happen, it would really be nice if it could happen soon before they get themselves too comfortable and too wedged in there. Plus it would really help my anxiety to have one less thing to worry about at all times!

I'll be back next week to let you know how things go. Thanks for following our journey and caring about these babies. You'll never know how much it means to us that you (yep, I'm looking at you) are reading and caring and thinking good thoughts for us. Thank you!

25 weeks and a deadline

Today marks 25 weeks gestation for Lincoln and Cooper! According to many parenting and pregnancy websites this is when the boys start to pack on the fat and they are learning a sense of equilibrium. If you like to measure your babies by vegetables then you're looking at a couple little cauliflowers in there. My weight gain is on track and the babies are also ahead of the curve. Today's measurements have them at roughly 1 pound 12 ounces each! I was feeling stretched to the limit yesterday so knowing how much weight they have gained in only a week feels a little reassuring that what I was feeling is legit. It also confirms what I keep hearing about being bigger every time people see me. That would be insulting if I wasn't pregnant with twins but not as insulting as my 5 year old telling me I looked like a fat monster the other day. To be fair, I was making a crazy angry face and she's very uncomfortable with my changing body.

My appointment today was with my OB so I was able to ask her some more questions about my delivery options. One major goal of mine is to have realistic expectations about my chances for VBAC versus ceasarean birth. I have heard from other women in my area that other doctors will schedule a c-section at a certain point in a twin pregnancy. There are concerns about the placenta breaking down after a certain point causing intra-uterine growth restriction for one or both babies and basically becoming a situation of diminishing returns. Dr. B has made notes for my OB regarding her suggestions for delivery and between that and my OB we have a plan. I will receive steroid shots at 35 weeks in order to help the babies lungs develop a little faster than they otherwise would. If I haven't gone into spontaneous labor by 37 weeks and both boys are in a good position then we'll attempt a gentle induction. So the best guess for the birth of these boys is between April 6th and the 20th.

April is all of a sudden a very busy month for us! We already have two birthdays to celebrate that month and are looking at adding two more. The funny thing is that we worked on timing this pregnancy to avoid the time around Thanksgiving and Christmas because we have two birthdays around then and didn't want to jam them all together. It looks like that planning didn't work out so well!

There's one other thing I wanted to touch on. I have been a huge fan of the nonprofit Every Mother Counts for several years and was reminded of it the other day by a podcast I've been listening to as I prepare to birth these babes. I feel a large amount of anxiety about the prospect of a c-section but I am so so lucky to be living in a country where I have easy access to medical care. Where I can complain about the fact that I have to drive almost an hour to have the privilege to attempt a vaginal birth. Even knowing how lucky I am, I recognize that the US is one of 13 countries with a rising maternal mortality rate. We rank 60th in the world in maternal health. Around the globe 303,000 women die every year as a result of complications during pregnancy and childbirth. I encourage you to check out the website and learn a little about what they do and why I have supported them over the years. They usually have an awesome assortments of gifts around Mother's Day that go towards their goals around the world while giving your mama something nice.

I hope you're having a great week out there in the world! One of the kids asked Amazon's Alexa yesterday how many more days until spring and I believe the answer was 54. Since Michael and I are currently suffering from colds I have been dreaming of sunlight and pool days so that number was a little discouraging.

Boring ole 24 week update

I'm sorry this update has taken awhile, life gets in my way sometimes. We've been busy with Girl Scout stuff, a mom's night out, a car in the shop, general family stuff and unfortunately no longer sleeping. I have some major pregnancy congestion happening at night and I was able to take medicine to get some good sleep for almost a week but that's as long as I'm allowed to take it so I'm back to waking up feeling hungover every morning. A nose strip helped a little last night but I am tempted to move the recliner into our bedroom to sleep upright to combat the congestion as well as the heartburn that gets kicked up here and there.

I'm doing a lot of complaining! Let's get to the good stuff. The boys are once again as healthy as we could possibly dream. They are each measuring a whopping 1 lb 6 oz as of Wednesday morning which is a fantastic size for twins. Their fluid is once again looking very symmetrical with both measuring a little over 5 cm and Cooper actually having the higher amount. All their blood flows look great. The only new bit of info we gleaned was that Lincoln has a small calcification on his liver (liver? I'm pretty sure it's liver) that apparently they had noted in the previous scan but wasn't mentioned to us before and was only mentioned by the tech in an offhand comment. She said that it didn't look any bigger which was exactly what they wanted. So I guess that's great too.

During the whole appointment the babies were moving around like wild things as usual. At the beginning Lincoln was transverse at the top with Cooper in the center forming a T shape. Then for a time Lincoln's legs were draped over Cooper's abdomen making it very difficult to get certain measurements and numbers. Then Lincoln was pretty much sitting on Cooper's head. And they ended the visit side by side with Cooper head down on my right and Lincoln head up on my left. Lincoln's insistence on being positioned poorly is making me more and more certain that I'll be facing a c-section when the time comes to welcome these kids to dry land.

I often have to stop myself to take a moment to remember how very thankful I am that I even have the energy to worry about trivial things like how I'm feeling physically and the method of delivery I'm facing. My boys are healthy and each day they keep cooking is a blessing to us. Life is physically getting harder and I'm experiencing more pain and discomfort than I normally would at this point in my previous pregnancies. My back hurts and my pelvis feels like it's broken at all times and now I have nerve pain causing a zappy ouchieness in my butt when I walk more than a few yards. The aforementioned congestion, heartburn, and lack of sleep are no fun. But really, all of that is so minor and temporary. I'm not going to stop complaining about it but deep down I really do feel so lucky to be able to complain about the everyday twin pregnancy type stuff.

This photo is a side by side of my fourth pregnancy at 24 weeks and my fifth at 24 weeks. I think the boys have positioned themselves so that I don't really look that much bigger but I know those white shorts wouldn't fit because Cooper's fat head is down so low that even half my maternity pants don't fit these days. My new motto is 'pants are b.s.' and my goal is to wear them as little as possible. Honestly, that goal isn't really new and was one of the motivating factors in our cross country move to a warmer climate. Give me shorts and swim suits at all times and I'll be happy.

One last fun note before I sign off for the night and retire to my nose strip and pillow fort. For all women who have ever been this pregnant, yes that baby is punching you in the cervix. We got to witness Cooper take two direct jabs at my cervix while she was measuring it's length (all good, cervix of steel, Hi dad! awkward) and it's the first time I've actually seen one my fetuses do that. I have felt it oh so many times but feel a little vindicated now that I know that that is exactly what the little stinker was doing. We also got to watch Cooper suffering from a severe case of the hiccups, which served him right and was pretty adorable. We couldn't remember if we have ever seen any of the other kids with hiccups in utero but we're pretty sure we did witness it with Miss A via ultrasound because that fetus had the hiccups 7 or 8 times a DAY for months! She also had the hiccups as a baby at least twice a day for months, during which time I'm pretty sure her motto was 'hiccups are b.s.'

 What's bugging you lately my friends? What minor annoyance in your life gets thrown in the b.s. pile these days?

22 weeks of joy

Today I am 22 weeks pregnant on paper. Technically it was Tuesday but it's easier for me to just go by what my paperwork says. When I went to my second OB appointment to measure the size of the one fetus we thought was in there, he measured right on track with what I knew was the right date but my OB agreed to stick with the date that their standard calculator gave in order to give me a couple extra days at the end before induction became an issue. Ahhahahahahaha! I'm still hoping this is something I have to worry about down the road but it's really not likely and it's nowhere near the biggest of my concerns.

 Look at Lincoln's little face! He knows how ridiculous I was to worry about such things, but then again he knew all along that there were two brothers in there. I won't minimize the legitimate concerns I had about carrying past my due date and facing uneccesary interventions. I firmly believe that birth matters and should happen in a way that respects the mother at all times. My history with childbirth is varied and complex and I have ALL the feelings about birth but I'm finding, yet again, that I need to embrace the scary and unknown and accept that things are most likely not going to go the way I would like.

My appointment this week went really well. Cooper's fluid was lower at around 4.56 cm and I don't know if that's just a matter of positioning or a different ultrasound tech or normal ebb and flow. Dr B said that their fluid still looked very symmetrical, their blood flows were wonderful, and she was comfortable not seeing me for two weeks. It's exciting to be at a place where she is comfortable with that but I'm struggling a little with waiting that long. It has only been a few days and I'm already super paranoid that something is going to go terribly wrong. I have every confidence in my doctors but can't help but worry at all times. 

22 weeks finds me trying to accept how close we are to 24 weeks. My OB told me last week that because 24 weeks is considered viability it is the point where any turn for the worse becomes a question of if the boys are better out than in. We have no reason to suspect that things will take another turn for the worse but the thought that we could have such early babies is just insane to me. I've been doing a little research on NICU experiences so that I can at least know a little bit what to expect if that is in our future. I've also been trying to mention to the girls that their brothers might come early and might be sick and might have to stay in the hospital for awhile. I don't want to scare them but I also feel like it is important for them to understand why things might be very different this time than when each of them were born and came home. Many NICUs don't allow anyone under 16 or so to visit and I could see that being very difficult on older siblings. So I'm trying to walk the line between preparing them for the maybes and making them worry more than they need to about their brothers. I have been watching prices on car seats and ordered some from my Amazon registry yesterday that I chose specifically because they are safe from 4 lbs up. Many carseats aren't made for smaller babies and knowing that they may be early left me searching for something that could bring them home as early as possible. I'm sure that when those seats arrive it's going to feel way too real that there will be actual babies in them in a few months!

 The picture above isn't the most adorable ever but it's one of those wondrous things about a twin pregnancy. That's just a jumble of arms and legs from both babies. During this scan in the early morning Lincoln was transverse on the top of my belly and Cooper was breech at the bottom. I went to see my OB a couple hours later and she saw them in a completely different position. I'm not sure at what point they'll get too squished to do so much moving but I'd love it if they could just both get head down now and stay that way until the end! I'm not very hopeful that I'm going to avoid a c-section but in a perfect world these babies will both be head down when spontaneous labor begins at 37 weeks and they will just slide right out in a few short hours.

I'm pretty sure these boys are going to be the most adorable sons ever born. Their little noses are just so perfect. My next appointment will be just before 24 weeks and they'll measure growth again. We'll be hoping for nice fat babies once again and beautiful numbers for fluid and dopplers. I'm definitely feeling large and unwieldy lately. Any attempts at physical activity have me stopping halfway through to spend the rest of the day laying down. Cleaning my bathroom brought on hours of lower back pain/tightness and a couple worrisome contractions. Vaccuming the living room once again left my pelvis screaming for mercy. I suffer from SPD during my pregnancies and thankfully haven't had too many episodes this go 'round but my pelvis is sure to let me know when I'm moving too much. Mike's mom has offered to pay for a cleaning service as a Christmas gift and the search hasn't gone well so far but the last few days have me very ready to take advantage of this amazing gift and not be responsible for any more vaccuuming or mopping! I'm off to make a list of phone numbers.

I hope this weeks finds you all well and warm and happy. I've been very touched to see comments from friends and family and know how many of you are thinking of our boys and loving them from near and far. Hi Aunts and Uncles and cousins!