2 little misters at 20 weeks

Today we would be at the halfway point of a regular pregnancy. I'm 20 weeks pregnant! I'm not exactly sure when was the 'halfway' mark for this pregnancy but we've been told to expect the boys to arrive about a month early if all goes well so we were probably halfway there awhile ago. Physically I'm feeling run down due to a bout of the stomach flu this week during which I briefly thought I had broken a rib vomiting. Don't get a stomach bug while pregnant! Thankfully it was short lived so I didn't end up going in to the hospital to get monitored or get IV fluids but I was very close to doing just that for a few hours. I probably would have done so if I wasn't dreading an hour drive there. The hospital in our town is not where I would choose to have our boys in any emergency situation so if I were to be admitted anywhere I'd want it to be at the hospital we plan to deliver at.

 I had to reschedule my appointment for this week due to the awfulness but thankfully they were able to squeeze us in on Tuesday before my MFM left for the holidays. She had told us that we could be seen by another doctor in the practice in an emergency but we obviously like sticking with the doctor who is familiar with our case so I was happy she had room for me. We knew during the scan that things were different but I was trying to remain as optimistic as possible. Sometimes it really annoys me how the human brain can refuse to accept things as they are and either sees things as brighter or far far darker than they really are.

Like I've said before, at every scan they check three or four doppler measurements of blood flow in different spots as well as checking for the largest vertical pocket of fluid for each baby. Tuesday's heart rates were much more different than we've ever seen with Cooper at 160 and Lincoln at 134 beats per minute. Both those numbers are within the normal range for the babies but we're just used to seeing them be within five or ten beats of each other so that was our first concrete clue that things were not going to be as good as last week. We could also see immediately that the amnion, the membrane between the babies, was much harder to see this week. Then Dr B told us that the brain dopplers were actually her biggest concern. Lincoln's number at around 36 was about perfect. Cooper's number at about 18 was not. Being told that there's a problem with the blood flow to your child's brain isn't something you get used to and I'm actually finding it more difficult this time after having such a great scan last week.

 Dr B also said that she is concerned about the fluid levels. Lincoln measured around 5.5 cm and Cooper was around 3.6 cm which seems like they are evening out more but she said that Cooper's measurement is somewhat skewed by the fact that the membrane is tenting over his limbs. It rests right along his face and then he is able to push it up with his arms and legs, which gives a nice big pocket of fluid near his bottom but he still doesn't have a nice cushion all the way around like a baby should.

We're not at the point yet where we call the specialist in Houston. We're back to watchful waiting and hoping that next week we have another awesome scan. I'm trying to be thankful that we're home for Christmas and that our next appointment is on Wednesday and we could theoretically leave within hours if we needed to get to Houston to be seen the next day. I am thankful for each day that these boys have had to grow and get stronger. But knowing all that we have to be grateful for doesn't do much to stop a mama's heart from worrying. *sigh* 

I hope you are all having a fantastic end of the year! I hope that your Solstice, Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Festivus, Saturnalia, or other celebrations are joyful and filled with love. Most of all I hope you are filling up on seasonal goodies. I found myself near tears in Walmart today because I was wishing to be up north with our larger extended family for Christmas. The hormones are a little more serious when there are two babies jacking them up! My mom had many siblings so there was always a large assortment of cookies and treats along with jokes about the awful smelling lutefisk. As we got older, my aunt and cousin took on baking pies for the holidays and I could really go for a slice of the blueberry this year! My mom makes a ham and cheese ball that has no redeemable nutritional value but is delicious nonetheless. Of course I miss the people more than the food but there are certain dishes that I associate with each person around that Christmas table. Maybe in a couple years we can get back! I don't have any delusions that we'll be able to make it next year with two little additions but someday we'll brave the snow and bring all the kids north for Christmas.