Being a parent often feels like holding your breath. Like these little lives are a crazy house of cards and if you or anyone around them even breathe in the wrong way it can all come tumbling down. Being a parent to two fetuses with a rare and potentially deadly condition feels like trying to hold back a monumental flood before it meets those tiny card houses.
Our appointment with the specialist, Dr B, was amazing yesterday. The boys look better than they ever have before. They measure the babies' fluid by finding the largest pocket they can and measuring vertically. Cooper had more fluid than we've ever seen at around 3 cm. Lincoln still has more fluid at around 7cm but both boys are well within acceptable numbers. Both have great blood flow and visible bladders. These things add up to our boys no longer even fitting into stage 1 of TTTS. We know that they still have TTTS and things can change any minute but for right now they are both able to move and grow and do all the things fetuses are supposed to do. Every single day that they get to grow normally is one day stronger and healthier should things go downhill again.
Usually during our scans the tech is able to get measurements and blood flow from baby 1, Cooper, very quickly because he's been squished at the bottom and can't do much wiggling away. Yesterday we got to watch her chase that boy all over the place and struggle to get his blood flows measured because he wouldn't sit still. The donut I ate on the way to the big city probably didn't help that situation but I don't even care. He had enough fluid to be difficult! I'm sure there will come a day when I'm chasing two babies all over the house and wishing they would just be still for a minute and my goal will always be to look back to this day and remember that this was an answer to prayer.
My dad says maybe this is a little bit of the Christmas magic that we both search for every year. I know that for me it has finally gotten me into the holiday spirit. We put up most of our decorations a couple weeks ago so that it would be done in case I was on bed rest or going down for surgery but I didn't really feel like doing it at the time. It wasn't the fun and festive time with my beloved family that I usually strive for. But now I have visions of sugar plums and gingerbread houses and cookies for Santa dancing in my head.
After our scan yesterday both Mike and I had similar physical reactions. It was like we had been holding back a giant wave of stress and worry and helplessness. Like we had been wound up tight from the second we learned there was a concern about the boys and now we were finally about to let go of the tension for awhile. I posted on my personal facebook wall about how it was like an adrenaline response. When you encounter a scary or stressful situation and you go into fight or flight mode where you do what needs to be done to survive. Then the stressor is gone and you feel shaky and weepy until that fades into a whole body exhaustion. We've had a crazy week around here with appointments and Christmas shows and obligations so we were both already tired and sore but I reached a whole new level last night. I don't remember having slept so hard or so well in a long time as I slept last night. Mike's body went so far as to break out in stress hives after our appointment! The human body is so crazy and amazing and weird.
So things are great today. We're feeling excited and hopeful for a more normal pregnancy and less worries. Like I said, things can change at any second and we could easily go back to a stage III or higher in a matter of days but we're thankful for every day. We're only 3 weeks 2 days away from these babies having a chance of survival outside their cozy womb. I'm hoping we're like 19 weeks from delivering but knowing that we're so close to that first milestone is awesome. I have pictures and regular pregnancy updates to share but you'll have to come back for that because this post is already ridiculously long.
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